


Off To The Hospital [Or Rather, Trying To Get There That Is]

by changingdestiny4



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Calm Cisco Ramon, Clumsy & Bumbling Barry Allen, F/M, Humor, Inspired By An "The Flintstones" Episode, Nervous & Panicky Expectant Father Trope, Parody, Pregnant Patty, Trying To Get To The Hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changingdestiny4/pseuds/changingdestiny4
Summary: In this parody, Barry, an expectant father to be & assisted by his trusty bff Cisco, experiences quite a few goofy complications in his attempts to get his wife Patty to the hospital to deliver their baby.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Cisco Ramon & Patty Spivot, Barry Allen/Patty Spivot
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	Off To The Hospital [Or Rather, Trying To Get There That Is]

**Author's Note:**

> This humorous one shot of mine is based upon an episode of “The Flintstones”, an animated and classic children’s series, but with very mild adult elements, in which husband Fred Flintstone had to take his wife to the hospital to deliver their baby but kept running into complications. Complications in regards to losing his wife every time. Just another example of what I call the nervous, panicky expectant father trope I’ve seen in comedies.
> 
> Much of the dialogue I’ll be using was in that episode and I don’t own that story outline or dialogue at all. I’m just using both for fun.

It was chaos in the house as Barry and Cisco were trying to put everything together in order to get a heavily pregnant Patty, Barry’s wife, to the hospital to deliver their baby. Barry and Cisco had run to get the suitcase for Patty’s clothes and were tugging it between themselves, arguing about which one was going to take care of that, when she calmly called out for her husband to call the doctor.

“Okay I’ll call the doctor while you get the suitcase Bar”, Cisco said as he started to let go and was about to head to the phone when his buddy interrupted him.

“No Cisco you get the suitcase and I’ll call the doctor”, Barry stated and then let Cisco have it while leaping comically towards the phone and then fumbling as he dialed the number.

“Hello Dr. McGee? This is Barry hospital I’m taking my wife to the Allen”, he quickly rambled out, saying his words in reverse order. He then ran towards the door and opened it, calling out to Cisco for the two of them to get going, but then closed the door and slammed hard into the wall, face forward, with a loud _BAM_. Shaking himself off, the expectant father then backtracked, reopened the door, and headed outside to his car.

As for Cisco, he came running behind him with the suitcase but also slammed face forward into the wall, making a loud _BAM_ as well, but then finally headed in the right direction and out the door. But there was one little issue. They totally forgot about poor Patty.

The two men, after having gotten into their car, were speeding down the road quite fast and breaking every speed limit, Cisco being the driver, while Barry was in the back seat and talking to his wife, thinking she was sitting beside him.

“Now don’t, don’t worry Patty we’ll make it in plenty of time”, Barry said to his wife, thinking she was sitting beside him. Cisco then noticed that she wasn’t there after all and was attempting to bring it up.

“Um, um Bar, I think there’s something you otta know”, Cisco was trying to say when Barry quickly brushed him off.

“Not now, Patty’s the important thing”, he insisted to which Cisco quickly countered and said, “But that’s what I’m trying to tell ya man. Patty isn’t here”.

Barry’s eyes immediately bulged out upon hearing this and he turned his head back and forth like a bobble head and sure enough, his buddy was right. There was no Patty.

“Wai, ge a wha, what?!!”, poor Barry exclaimed as he kept looking while wracking his brain as to how this blunder happened. He immediately had Cisco turn the car around and they turned it around so fast it looked like a spinning top to a casual viewer. They zoomed back to Barry’s home where poor Patty was waiting around, wondering where on earth her husband was.

“Barry, Barry? Now where on earth could my husband be?”, she called out, and then asked herself. “Maybe he’s in the kitchen” she then said to herself and went to check over there. Meanwhile the Allens pet dog, named Chesty, seeing her mistress had left the master bedroom, quickly hurried into it and curled up onto their bed, feeling quite content to lie there until Barry came in, causing her to leap up in alarm and quickly get under the covers so that she wouldn’t get in trouble with her owner.

“Cisco can’t I trust you to get anything straight? You sure are hopeless”, Barry was fussing at his friend behind him and then went and scooped up Chesty, all wrapped up in the bed blanket, thinking she was his wife.

“Don’t worry Patty, we’ve, we’ve plenty of time. Your Barry’s ready”, he said with confidence while taking his “wife” to the car, running into poor Cisco and sending him flipping into the air and then knocking him onto his behind, after which Barry was headed out the door while Patty walked over to Cisco.

“Cisco where’s my Barry?”, she enquired, really needing her hubby to get them to the hospital.

“Oh he’s out in the car with you”, he answered stupidly, considering that the person in question was standing right in front of him.

“I’m not out in the car Cisco”, she replied obviously, and then placed her hands into her head and groaned.

Meanwhile Barry was driving along the road with a wrapped up Chesty sitting in the front seat next to him.

“Keep covered dear, can’t have you catching cold now can we?” he said to his “wife”, trying to be as attentive as possible as they made their way to the hospital. He then added, gushingly, “I’ve never told you this before honey bunny but you’ve been wonderful through this whole thing. I don’t deserve you Patty dear.”

Chesty on her part was just loving this attention, giving heart eyes to her owner while licking his cheek twice.

Suddenly a cop on a motor bike came riding by and moved next to Barry’s car.

“All right all right pull over”, he addressed him since the latter was speeding. Barry on his part quickly stopped the car.

“I’m taking my wife to the hospital”, he explained proudly, hoping to get through to the cop.

The cop’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Another wife?!!”, he exclaimed while trying to figure this out since he’d thought he’d earlier seen Barry driving who he assumed was his wife earlier, not realizing that it was his best mate who happened to have long hair. “What are you an Arabian prince? Just how many wives do you have man?”

Barry looked at him weirdly, not understanding as to what the officer meant.

“Now now now officer you don’t understand you see”, Barry was trying to explain again when the cop looked closely at the young man’s “wife” and did a double take, shaking his head extremely fast.

“Wow, the other one was bad enough, but this one’s a dog”, he said in near shock, leaving the other young man highly offended.

“Now see hear pal, you can’t talk that way about my wife”, he exclaimed with righteous indignation and then turned towards “Patty” and said adoringly, “Sorry dear, you’ll have to excuse the-“ then suddenly stopped abruptly as his own eyes bulged out, realizing that it wasn’t his wife next to him but their dog Chesty!!

“Holy smokes Chesty!!”, he exclaimed in shock. “You goofy mutt. Ooh when we get home I’m gonna chain you in the yard and I’ll never let you into the house ever again”, he scolded his wayward dog who looked awkwardly away, knowing she was busted, and then cringed as he was almost yelling at her. He then turned the car around quickly and started zooming back home to hopefully get his real wife this time while the cop looked on.

“Boy, has he got his women trained”, the cop said to himself as watched the car go down the road.

Meanwhile Cisco was in his own car driving Patty to the hospital.

“Don’t worry Patty, I’ll get you to the hospital in time”, he calmly assured her as he drove along. Patty smiled bemused, and then looked up and noticed her husband headed towards them.

“Oh look, there’s Barry”, she said in surprise, and then called out to him. The two cars quickly stopped next to each other and Barry leaped out of it while Chesty hurriedly got out of there, not wanting to be chained to the yard later,

“Cisco how can you foul things up like this?!!”, he squawked at his best friend and then picked up his wife, put her into his car, and then he got into Cisco’s car and had the two of them drive off, leaving Patty all by herself in her husband’s car, the latter thinking she was with him for some reason. Apparently his brain was functioning terribly and the pour young wife was wondering if she’d ever get to the hospital.

“Now we’ve got it straight now Patty, and now let’s hope Cisco remains calm”, Barry said to his wife, still thinking she was finally sitting next to him, to which Cisco spoke up and said, “Oh I’m calm buddy, but I don’t think Patty is”, causing Barry to turn and realize that yet again, she wasn’t there.

“Cisco what on earth did you do with Patty?”, he asked his friend bewildered, wondering what happened this time.

“Well nothing Barry. You put her in the back of your car and left her there”, Cisco explained, causing Barry to throw his hands into the air

“Well why did you let me do that you numpskull?!! Back up back up!”, he blamed poor Cisco, and then demanded, causing the other man to hurriedly back up and get back to where Patty was, the woman still sitting in her husband’s car and patiently waiting.

“Okay let’s get it straight now Cisco, I ride with my wife”, he said matter of factly, to which Cisco replied calmly and said, “Right Barry, let’s go”, after which he got out, picked up Patty, and placed her in the back seat of his car and drove off, thinking Barry was with them while Barry himself hurriedly got back into his own car and drove off behind them thinking Patty was with him this time.

As they drove along, Cisco then noticed Barry wasn’t with them after all and smacked his forehead.

“Uh oh, looks like I did it again”, he stated to Patty in embarrassment, causing her to roll her eyes.

“The baby will be 7 years old by the time we get to the hospital”, she replied dryly.

Meanwhile Barry was driving along, certain he had it all right this time.

Now bundle up darling, it’s chilly”, he said to the air, still thinking his wife was present. At that moment the same traffic cop from earlier came driving by and turned to look at the other man, wondering why there was no one with him this time.

“Hi officer. I’ve got it right this time”, he happily said to him upon seeing him, to which the officer responded by asking sarcastically, “What are you doing now, running on empty?”

“I’m taking the little woman to the hospital”, Barry explained as though it were obvious while patting the empty seat next to him, believing that his wife was right there when realizing that the exact opposite was the case due to said empty seat.

“I, I, I lost her!”, the poor husband exclaimed in surprise to which the cop said that the other man had better start keeping books. Poor Barry on his part wondered if having a baby was actually this much trouble. He then accelerated his speed and quickly caught up with Patty and Cisco, both cars stopping next to each other once more.

“All right now we’re all present and accounted for”, he stated to them both and then, getting out of his car, got back into Cisco’s car but this time with Patty sitting right next to him. He then told Cisco to take off.

“Take off what?”, Cisco asked foolishly, to which Barry yelled frustrated, “Will you drive us to the hospital?!!

“All right all right”, the other man answered, trying to keep his best friend calm. He then began driving once more while telling Patty that Barry wasn’t like this during the rehearsal of this whole thing. They would finally arrive at the hospital and Barry would help his wife out of the hospital while reminding Cisco not to forget the suitcase, to which the other man responded in the affirmative. The young couple then went inside while Cisco on his part sped inside behind them.

Barry and Patty would go on to have a very strong and healthy baby boy and this day’s events leading up to the birth would go to be a funny story they’d share with their children and grandchildren for years to come.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone liked this one shot of mine, and here’s the scene from “The Flintstones” that inspired this:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDHDGAJu7FI
> 
> Have a great day.


End file.
